Exploring your sexuality is something you can do as a couple, on your own or with different partners. Since sexuality is fluid, it’s natural to reevaluate our wants and desires over time. Crucially, society has a history of telling us what’s acceptable or not. So, it can take some time to understand your feelings.
One of the best definitions of sexuality explains that it’s a diverse and personal concept. It centres around your thoughts and physical, sexual and emotional attractions. Plus, behaviours and feelings play a big part too.
So, exploring your sexuality doesn’t have to mean changing who you are or who you’re attracted to. It can be about expressing yourself and your desires. Keep reading to get our 10 tips on how to figure things out.
- Express Your Thoughts and Feelings
Exploration typically starts with thoughts and ideas. Take some time to think about things that have sparked feelings or questions lately. If you’re in a relationship and you feel ready to talk to your partner, you can share some of your feelings with them.
If you’re not ready to share or you’re single, then writing your thoughts in a journal can help. It’ll help you make sense of what’s coming up. Putting your feelings on paper gives you perspective and a sense of organisation and control.
- Find Like-minded People
If you’re ready to act on your thoughts and feelings in a safe environment, then a club is the way forward. You can find swinger clubs if you’re looking to experiment outside your relationship or want to try new sex-related activities.
Chances are there are already plenty of people out there who are into what you’re into and they’re exploring, too. Meeting up with other people exploring their sexuality is a chance to get support, ask questions or just feel like you’re not alone. Whether it’s an LGBTQ+ group or a bondage chat room, connecting gives you more information.
- Play Out a Fantasy
If bringing in new people seems daunting, then let your imagination do the work first. When exploring what turns you on, try out different fantasy scenarios in your head. Your thoughts will reveal what you like. Not every sexy thought has to define you; it’s just one facet of your sexuality.
Role play and acting out fantasies are brilliant ways to enhance your relationship with your partner. It can improve the sex and increase trust, bringing you closer. Outfits, props and dirty talk can all help to set the scene.
- Attend Events
If you’re confused, it can help to hear about other people’s experiences. Going to Pride or events at local queer spaces can help you get to know others. Through conversations, you’ll open your mind and gain new perspectives. Whether you know who you’re attracted to or not, remember to be respectful.
Alongside making new friends, you can attend events to let your hair down and have fun. Drag nights, burlesque and other spicy shows spark feelings, normalise different types of sexuality and bring positive atmospheres.
- Explore Different Terms
Sexuality is definitely not about labels. One fantasy about kissing someone of the same sex doesn’t mean you need to question your identity. Get comfortable with sexuality being fluid, and then you won’t have to pigeonhole yourself.
You don’t have to put a label on it, but it can help you if you learn some different terms and their definitions. Understanding that there are many sexual orientations can help you learn more about what you’re feeling and give you the tools to express yourself.
- Try Out Different Toys
If all this thinking, writing and definitions has got your head swimming in circles, then it’s time to go back to basics. Focusing on feelings and pleasure is at the heart of exploring your sexuality. The best thing is you don’t need anyone else around to experiment.
Masturbation and fantasy can tell you a lot about what you like. However, toys can take the experience to a new level. They’re designed to do different things that you might not have thought of or felt before. Trying out all kinds of options means you can explore new sensations.
- Experiment With Erotica
While ethical porn might be your go-to for stimulation, it’s also worth considering erotica. There are so many genres, so you can try out different stories and scenarios to see what you’re drawn to.
Reading a book or listening to an audiobook both work well. Instead of visual images, erotica feeds the imagination with descriptions, allowing you to add your sexy ideas. Plus, it helps to shift stress to more positive feelings about sex and sexuality.
- Find Resources Online
Our first instinct when we have a question is to search online. While there are lots of fantastic articles and websites out there, you don’t have to sit and read lots of theories and explanations. Your erotic fiction could explore different themes, or you can find a blogger who focuses on sex positivity.
One of the best ways to get a daily dose of content that helps you learn more about yourself and your options is to follow activists, educators and like-minded people. Not everyone is out and proud, but there are many social media accounts covering all kinds of topics related to sexuality.
- Don’t Rush
While there are terms for different types of sexuality, it certainly isn’t one size fits all. For that reason, it’s worth taking your time over your exploration. Exploring your sexuality is a journey, and you’ll probably need to reassess many times along the way.
Expressing your feelings and thoughts can make you feel vulnerable, so build up your confidence slowly. If you wrote your thoughts in a journal, come back to them to see what’s changed, what worked, what didn’t, and what you’ve learned.
- Stay Safe
Staying safe means taking reasonable precautions, especially when meeting new people and going to new locations. Go with friends, or at least let someone know where you’re going and have them check in with you.
Safety also means safe sex. Take precautions to prevent sexually transmitted diseases no matter what activities you try. Get regular sexual health checkups to stay on top of your physical well-being.
